Kisses and Gunpowder, Love Mr J
by Calamity in Motion
Summary: I was so sad that Harley Quinn wasn't in The Dark Knight. So I've written her in with Heath's sexy Joker. Diff story line, but I wanted this disturbing version of The Joker to play with. Warning: Morbid Romance Ahead.
1. For the Love of a Clown

**His laugh still frightened me.**

That would probably never change. There was something about it, the raw, terrifying way it rolled down your spine spreading ice through your blood. The way he seemed to exist for no other purpose, save chaos.

But that's what made him so dangerous, so petrifying. Most thugs were in it for money. They wanted fame and power. My baby wanting nothing but _fun_. He wanted to play, to cause chaos.

He wanted to watch the world burn.

"Oh, Mr. J." I breathed so that I didn't distract him. The cringing mass around us was hissing and mewing in their terror. The smell of fear was almost nauseating and I scanned the dozen faces for potential "heroes".

"My my my." My baby said, gleefully. "Look at the turnout this year." He moved slowly about the room, picking at food trays and smiling. He always smiled, even while he torn out your insides so you could taste them. It wasn't just his scars.

I still didn't know how he'd gotten them, the story was always different. Always horrible, but ever changing. I don't think I would ever know.

"What do you think you're proving here, Joker?" An older man asked, stepping from the crowd. He held himself high, though he was trembling ever-so-slightly. I moved slowly. Weaving through the crowd like I was making a run for it. Glancing up, I froze. Those Hell-crazed eyes flicked to me, pinning me in place, a silent warning that sent lines of fear and arousal shooting through me. He wanted to deal with this brave man. And god knew I loved to watch.

The Joker tilted his head slightly as if trying to hear him better, and took the wine glass from a whimpering woman beside him. As he made his slow approach, he drained the glass, making a face and motioning toward the waiting staff as if he were displeased with the taste.

"Do you think you'll win this time? Do you think Batman won't put you right back into the nut house where you belong?"

Mr. J stopped right in front of him and waited. I watched the fear build in his eyes as my baby brushed imaginary lint from the man's shoulder with a tiny frown.

"You're nothing but a sick thug. He'll let you rot, and I'll be laughing when they give you the chair."

"Well." Joker's brows raised in feigned surprise. "_That _wasn't very nice. Here I am at your little party, just trying to have fun and you've been nothing but rude to me. What kind of a _host_ are you?"

Suddenly, he smashed the wine glass on the table beside him, leaving only the stem, and shoved it into the guy's throat. Women screamed, one fainted and Joker brushed down the lapels of his jacket as the man crumpled to the ground.

"And by the way." He turned, cracking his neck, "The wine was horrible."

By now, I was feeling it. That tiny little twinge of rationality. That weak voice in my head that begged me to run, hide. To get out now. That voice that asked how I could handle it. How could I follow him? How could I play along?

How could I _love_ him?

And I did, more fiercely than anything I'd ever felt before. I would do anything for this man. I hid my sudden smile, because looking as if I enjoyed the violence might make people ask questions. We didn't have time for questions.

"So!" Joker called, once again cheerful. He lifted his automatic and fired a few rounds. "_Goood_ evening. Ladies and Gentle-men. We are tonight's entertainment!"

His men started stripping jewelry, firing warning shots and yelling at the rich party-go'ers. I moved slowly through the crowd, distancing myself from the other thugs and staying close to my man.

"But I've got to warn you, tonight's admission prices might cost and arm and a leg."

I think they all knew just how literal he could make that with the tiniest mood-swing. As much as I loved him, the man was unbalanced. And I should know, I used to be his _psychiatrist._

"What's your plan, Joker?" was called, it was a voice we all knew too well. Gasps of relief and renewed fear burst from the crowd and I backed away from the voice. Ever our bane.

The Batman.

"Plan?" The Joker laughed hysterically and held up his arms. "Do I really look a guy with a _plan_?" He grabbed a woman from the crowd and pressed his gun to her temple. "You know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it!" his chuckle softened to a pleasant conversational tone. "I just _do_ _things_."

Without warning, he whipped the gun out and fired a stream of bullets into a young man. More screams and he cackled, pushing his hostage into Batman. "See?! _That _wasn't necessary."

The two collided, but I was still frozen. The man he'd shot was standing two feet from me. His hand had brushed my skirt when he fell, spreading crimson pools under my shoes. He'd shot at me! There was no other explanation; my man had just SHOT AT ME.

The fight was tipping. Our men had grabbed Batman's arms and the Joker shot a kick at his chest with the small blade in his boot. The hero cursed and tossed away the other men while my man scrambled up and cackled grabbing a small hand gun off the floor and diving into the crowd. The startled gasp I made when he grabbed my upper arm was authentic. This had never been part of the plan, but I wasn't going to speak. He'd just tried to kill me, what was going on?

I felt the cold steel of the gun on my cheek and his chest pressed into my back. The waves of heat coming off him nearly made my eyes roll up, but I checked the impulse and whimpered instead.

Joker stroked my cheek with the hand gun, hushing me with a grin. The Batman stepped forward. He'd discarded the blade and now held up a hand.

"Let her go." His demand was met by giggles.

"Why.._why_ would I do that? I mean she's a pretty thing, isn't she? Maybe we could start a family." His cheek nudged my left one, still stroking my right with the gun's barrel. "Can you see the children?"

Batman grit his teeth as I was dragged backward toward the hall doors. The men closed around us hefting bags of stolen goods and covering us. The hero was helpless, and now came the screams as people finally noticed the barrels of rigged gasoline in the corners. He had to save them, which meant we were free if we hurried.

Joker pulled me through the doors and down the hall, our boys firing behind us. I stumbled along, crying, and playing up the hostage roll until we were clear of the building and I was shoved into the van. As tires squealed the Joker smiled, he looked at me with a strange expression I couldn't translate and pulled me forward, towards him.

"Well, beautiful, what do you say?" his arm went around my waist fingers digging into my hip painfully, "Wanna settle down?"

Again those trembles of fear took me and he scanned my face closely, as if reading my mind.

"Why, doctor, you don't seem yourself. Was it something _I_ did?" that lyrical way he spoke, the musical, game-like notes unsettled me and my fear and anger doubled. I shoved at his shoulder, unable to pull fully away and grit my teeth.

"You shot at me, you bastard."

This time he let go, licking his lips and frowning. "_Well, _no need for name-calling." He leaned back into the seat and watched me struggle to stand and get in the one across from him. I held myself as he twirled the handgun on his fingers, eyes falling to the floor of the van. After a moment he reached over and lifted my chin, grabbing it when I jerked away and forced me to look at him. He liked people to look at him. He liked to see all those emotions when he broke them.

"Now, why are you crying? Doctor, this is a happy place. Why don't you give me a smile? Show me there's no hard feelings."

I didn't move, simply looked at the other guys as they watched in tense silence, wondering if this was the night he killed me.

"Oh…look at me. Hey!" he turned my face again, and bellowed, "_Look. At. Me_."

I whimpered, shrinking into the side of the van, with wide eyes on his clown face. He still had the gun, and I didn't want to push him.

As it if it had never come, the anger vanished and his voice became a calm lilt. "I just wanted to see you smile."

It was weak, but I gave him one and he brushed away my tears, gun in his lap. "Come here, "he pulled me across the van to sit beside him and again that heat washed over me. "Tell me your name, beautiful. What should I call you?"

That cracked a smile from me and I ducked my head self-consciously. "Harley. Harley Quinn."

His smile was wide and he laughed. "I love it."

The moment our lips met, I melted. The near murder didn't matter. The fact that we were still racing to safety didn't matter. Only him, only my love. My arms went around him, fingers sinking into his hair as the others trailed down his chest, dipping beneath the material of his purple suit jacket.

"Um…boss." One of the guys urged and he growled a warning. I yelped softly when he nipped my tongue. "Boss! The Bat just took out Dorson's van!"

We all jumped when the handgun went off and the guy slumped forward. I touched my lower lip, when he pulled back and glared at them. It was bleeding, but he was always too rough, I'd gotten used to that.

"Then hurry up and get us out of here." The words were ice-cold and I trembled against him, getting a quick glance. The guys didn't hesitate. There was a reason you didn't cross the Joker. He had no rules, which meant there were no second chances. He was cruel, without pity or remorse. A true sociopath.

"Gee, Doc, I don't know why I did that. You see what I was saying about uncontrollably urges?"

She nodded once. So he wanted to play? She could do that.

"That _was_ a bit brash." He raised his brows nodding, playing along while I slipped the gun from his fingers and pressed into him. "I'll have to think of a treatment for such animal urges."

His chuckle was gravelly, almost excited. His grin wicked. My heart pounded in my chest at the thought that he might take this farther. That he'd finally let me go all the way with him after all this time. His hair was matted in blood, his makeup cracked from so much smiling, the red smeared along his scars. A permanent smile.

But, as always, the second he grabbed me, the second he got close, my body tensed. My breath hitched with fear and my eyes widened. He noticed this all, titling his head, grin widening. He enjoyed this, its why he didn't simply push me away…or out of the speeding van.

"Why so serious?" he asked softly and I saw the glint of a blade seconds before I blacked out.


	2. Thoughts on Romance

**Author's Note**

**I'd like to let everyone know that I'm a stickler for characterization. If I write a fan-fic, I want to be at least 70 percent sure the character could actually be pictured doing these things.**

**Heath Ledger's performance as The Joker, was mind-blowingly **_**amazing**_** and therefore a bitch to mimic. As Mr. J is my favorite villain in the comic-book-verse, I wanted to get as close as I could.**

**If it takes a little longer to update then I hope, it means I'm probably trying to find the right speech-patterns for my characters and dip my toes into the scariest villain of all time's mind-set. **

**BTW, kinda hard to do.**

**Anyway, I hope you like this, please R and R, I like hearing if you enjoyed it or not. Or what Ican do better.**

"Dr. Quinnzelle!" Peggy called my name with that tone I abhorred. She only did that when the news would upset me, so I thought about ignoring her and heading for my next patient, but she caught up. The bitch.

"Harley, geez! I need to tell you something."

Without disguising my heavy sigh I turned to face her and crossed my arms. The tiny girl swallowed, glancing passed me into the cell behind. Whomever she saw there seemed to be putting her on edge, so I cleared my throat.

"Well…it's about Myrnon." She took a deep breath? "You need to take his last case."

Instantly I was angry. "Why in Hell would I do that?" I cried, tucking blond wisps of hair that had come loose from my tight bun. "I already have that plant-woman to sort out and-"

"The thing is, he can't take that case because," She gulped "he's being admitted into Arkham this morning."

For a long moment I couldn't speak, then slowly, I took a breath and nodded.

"So I take it I have the clown?" She nodded. "For how long?"

Peggy looked down, then caught my gaze. "Well, honestly, until you're admitted too."

"What's that 'sposed to-"

"He's the reason Myrnon's strapped to a cushioned mattress."

I swallowed, keeping my professional appearance up. The scary part was, I could see The Joker doing that. Breaking Myrnon down, session by session until his insecurities and doubts ate away at him. But 

she was the Amazon. She never lost herself in a patient and this would be nothing different. She would stay strong and keep herself together against that animal.

"Where's his cell?"

**xxx**

When I woke we were back out the "Big Tent" and I spelled Chinese.

My head throbbed as I sat up and groaned. Then the lights around me flickered on and I caught sight of the form in the head seat of the table I'd been thrown onto. Mr. J had rested his feet on the table corner, crossed at the ankles. He titled his head with a grin.

"Evening _sweetheart_." He rasped and I pushed myself up, ignoring the pain in his presence.

"Wha-"

"What happened to you?" he slung his feet to the floor and laughed. "Well one of the boys got a little…antsy." I bit my lower lip to cover my gasp when he lifted a painted head by its dark hair. "I…um…had to let him go." His voice dropped an octave then and it sent a tremor down my spine.

The mouth had been split to the ears and now he stuffed a piece of colored paper into the gaping hole. In what seemed a casual way, he pulled from his sleeve a hooked needle and thick stitching string. I watched in morbid fascination as he proceeded to sew the puckered lips together, humming to himself as he did. It was that moment, that my self-control snapped.

My suit jacket was the first to go, slithered from my shoulders and pooled on the table. I watched him focus on his task as if building a model plane, anything but hacking into a corpse. My boots clunked onto the floor with an echoing clatter in the meeting room. This time, his attention snapped to me and I nearly moaned for it. That man, that wonderful, beautiful man was watching me with detached enthusiasm. Only his eyes told me I should shrink back if I didn't want a new grin.

Those hell-bent eyes tracked me as I crawled to the edge of the table, just in front of him. Those dark pools slip down to the fingers of my right hand as I slowly pulled down the zipper of my black, leather top.

"Mmm." He growled the sound climbing up my spine as he looked back into my eyes. Without looking away, I took his hand and lifted it to the zipper. With no smile or emotion at all save heat, The Joker continued to stare at me. It was unnerving when he's grin left. When he licked his lips as if he were a starving wolf.

Without warning , he stood and in my surprise I fell onto my back. Joker leaned over me, hand slamming onto the polished steel beside my head. My heart was racing, and at the same time I couldn't help noticing how he got this close when he killed a person. How he liked to watch the lights leave their eyes 

after hours of carving pretty shapes in the skin of their stomachs. My eyes widened ever so slightly and without my permission, my hands shot up between us as if to shield myself. I dropped them quickly, but the damage was done.

Suddenly, he looked concerned. "Why, you look nervous. Is it the scars?"

My heart skipped. This was not good. As his psychiatrist I'd noticed the pattern with this story. It was like a warning that his mind had gone farther than usual and left only the sadistic animal behind. When he told this story, people died. Usually the one closest to him.

"Puddin'?" I asked softly.

"You wanna know how I got 'em?" I moved to get up, but he caught both my wrists and forced them in an X across my chest. I couldn't help my whimper and he hushed me lovingly.

That scared me worse of all.

Instead of falling into a fit of desperate pleads, I arched my back, pressing into all of him I could reach. It stopped him mid-sentence and his lips curled wickedly as his gave a slow laugh. Now the violence had left his eyes. Now only the dark humor was left behind, the deep voice that chilled even while it caressed every nerve ending in my body. This had always been my problem. I was an adrenalin junkie. It's why I'd worked at Arkham to begin with. The underlining fear of being alone in a room with the sickest minds in Gotham. The day I started his case had raised the bar.

"_For obvious reasons we can only admit you and lock the door. If anything goes wrong, we will do our best to gain entrance and protect you from what lies in this room." _ _The guard nodded to my pen pocket._

"_Your _best_?!" But he continued as if I hadn't spoken._

"_Please remove all small, sharp, and/or blade-like items from your person."_

_I arched a brow, "Is he going to kill me with my pen?"_

_The guard's expression didn't change. "He'll do a wonderful magic trick and make it disappear."_

_Whatever _that_ meant. With a roll of my eyes, I pulled everything from my pockets and left my clipboard. "Better?" This time something like remorse filled his eyes._

"_I hope so."_

Now, he tilted his head and skimmed a palm up my leather vest. The tight leather creaked when the zipper parted ever so slight more. It dawned on me that this was still a game. He knew that even while I idolized him, I feared his outbursts. Feared the idea of being weak in front of him. He knew that I was on edge around him, despite my adoration.

"My, but your fervent." He spoke softly, in the clown voice. I bit my lower lip and made a soft sound of encouragement. We both knew I was only trying to convince him I wasn't useless. It had become a habit 

of his to put me in obvious danger or flip when around me. Maybe he was bored with me, or maybe his wacked mind couldn't take the idea of a like personality so near. Maybe he couldn't deal with someone he could treat like a human being in the den of his mindless droogies.

Most likely it was the bored one.

Thankfully there was a knock on the door so I didn't have to continue and loose his amusement. It took him a long moment to stand strait and allow the guy entry. His eyes however, remained on me.

"We have the sergeant, boss." He said, eyes going to my position on the table then to the back of his psychotic leader. Something like concern crossed his eyes, but was quickly replaced with adoration. I was constantly harassed by these thugs. Lots of:

"Why ya with that freak?" And:

"Come on baby, Try a guy who don't ware make-up."

Was it that difficult to believe that The Joker was capable of fulfilling a woman's needs.

Don't answer that.

"Goody." Mr. J said with a giggle. He turned and completely forgetting about me; left the room. Just outside of the door, he turned back and pulled a small strip of white paper out of the thug's shirt pocket and read it.

"You'll make money. If not for you, then for another company." With that he chuckled, "Like the IRS."

Then dropped the fortune and went to play.

I was breathing heavily, unable to move for a long moment. When I finally sat up, the goon was still there. He held his clown mask at his side and watched me as I zipped my jacket. With equal intensity, I glared back and striated my hair.

"I don't understand it." He said suddenly and instantly I rolled my eyes, pushing off the table. I knew where this was going and didn't need to hear it again. His name was Karryl and he had a widely known lust for me, the crazy bitch. I'd heard him and the guys talking before.

"_What I don't get is why _He _puts up with it. I mean yeah she's a fine piece of ass, but-"_

"_Ass _is_ the only reason. Yeah he's an emotionless nut job…"_

"_Sex don't need no emotion. He's a guy, end of story."_

"_Boy did he win out though, yeah?" he laughed. "Who knew brauds could come in fine AND crazy?"_

Karryl shook his dark- haired head and crossed his arms.

"I mean, it's obvious the guy ain't got no feelings for you. Why can't you open your eyes and see that."

"Shouldn't you be with the others, helping with the sergeant?" the acid in my voice made his eyes narrow. These were still criminals.

"I'm not in the mood to listen to screams."

That made me smile wickedly. "Not loosing your nerve are ya, Karryl, buddy?"

He sighed angrily and shook his head. "Look who's talking. Was that real, or is acting terrified part of some kink you guys are into? You play the rape game often?"

I had no reply. Not only was this one of the horribly few times Mr. J came this close to me, but I knew he was right about my fear. Eyes to the floor, I hurried out the door. Today just wasn't my day.


End file.
